Why Career Advice from Family Can be Risky

They’re family.  They’re the ones that know you best. They’re the ones that will give you the cold hard truth and love on your wounds later.  We’ve all gone through situations and called home only to leave the conversation feeling annoyed, angry, or even confused by the advice.  I have a great honest adult relationship with my parents and I think everyone should have someone they go to for the realest truths.  So yes continue to ask your family their opinion but take it with a grain of salt and here’s why:

1. 1.        They are too close to you.  When that rude coworker gives you passive aggressive-ness and you’ve had enough of the disrespect; calling home could be a bad move.  People that have an emotional stake into your life will start to feel disrespected by the behavior shown towards you.  So now instead of getting advice about your next steps, you’re now calming them down and trying to justify why they shouldn’t be so mad.  Opposite of why you called.
2. They don’t get the full story.  You don’t have enough time to rehash the situation out to each person you talk with, so you paraphrase.  Important pieces are missing so the story and its meaning changes.  They don’t know every small shady comment thrown your way and they definitely don’t know how you reacted. You don't want someone downplaying your emotions towards a situation.  
3. They don’t know you’re wrong.  Let’s be honest here.  When telling a story do you always tell ALL the things you’ve done to perpetuate the situation?  Probably not.  Maybe you shouldn’t have turned the project in late or you were slightly rude to the customer.  So now your family is up in arms about how ‘wrong people are treating you’ or ‘how you need to do this and do that’.  Now you’re feel wrongfully vindicated about a situation you had a hand in.
4. Generational and Experience Gaps.  A person is nothing more than a sum total of their experiences.  If a person never experienced it; they can’t fully relate.  Generational Gaps are a big sore spot, because our older family members generation, baby boomers, believes one way and our generation might believe another.  Now you’re stuck in a ‘nobody does that anymore’ conversation leading down the frustration road.
5. You need to rely on yourself.  You are a great professional.  Yes you can say that to yourself in the mirror if you’d like!  Situations in the office happen constantly, some for good, some for bad.  The bad is where your professional development lies.  You must now in the heat of the fire walk out of the 9:30 AM meeting with every emotion in your heart and pretend that nothing is wrong.  Calling someone while you’re upset only perpetuates #2 & #3 more.  Use this time to replay the situation, think on alternative solutions, and then move forward with action.  Then once the wound isn't fresh you can have a conversation with your family.

Take advice from family at every point you can, but in the words of my late Pa-Pa, ‘Take what you can and leave what you can’t’.  Control your own professional development!